Merry Muslim Chrisrtmas

The Ghosts of Christmas Past

When I was a kid, Christmas was my absolute, hands down favorite time of the year! Christmas held a magic for me that was indescribable. There was just something about it. It was the tradition of picking out the tree and taking turns hanging bright, sparkling things off its branches as its sweet pine smell filled the house. It was all the treats that seemed to magically pop into existence only during the holiday season (I had no idea Almond Roca could be found year-round!). It was definitely the anticipation of presents going from zero to plethora overnight that created a sense of anticipation leading up to Christmas that I still feel to this day.

Christmas for mini me was never about Jesus may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him. I didn’t grow up thinking there was more to the holiday than family, presents, Santa Clause, and flying reindeer. It may have been a secular holiday for me, but it was no less magical and no less important to me. My fondest memory is of trying to figure out where our parents hid the presents while pretending to believe in Santa. Despite our veiled disbelief in the jolly man in a red suit, our surprise and amazement came when our parents managed to produce presents out of thin air Christmas morning. I mean seriously, we looked everywhere! Closets, crawl spaces, the basement…everywhere! It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned they too knew more than they were letting on, namely about our shenanigans. So, they hid our presents in a most cleaver spot: Grandma’s house. Hmph.

Into adulthood I trotted and over the years, Christmas took on new meanings. I learned sometime in my teens about the Christmas story. You know the one, the baby in the manger, three wise men, and angels heard on high. I’ll admit, it heightened that feeling of mysticism. Although, I’ll shamefully admit, it was still for me largely materialistic. Sure the materialism took on a new form as Christmas wishes went from PJ Sparkles (yeah, Google that) and Cabbage Patch dolls to portable CD players, clothes, and books… lots and lots of books. But it’s spiritual significance grew as my walk grew closer to Allah SWT.

As I studied Christianity I became more and more conflicted about the time of year. When I hit my 20’s, the joy that comes with mass commercialism died down to a simmer. Some of the enchantment was replaced with a sort of growing condescension. After all, I had learned Christmas was supposed to be about God and a miracle baby, not spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on the people in your life that need your attention more than your pocket book. It’s about raising your children to know who Jesus is, not to expect the sun and the moon under the tree in the morning. And the pagan roots of the holiday… don’t get me started!! I mean, it isn’t even actually Jesus’ birthday and the story taught to children- the story I was taught- was all wrong! This was 20-something me ranting, mind you...

Yet despite the growing conflict there was still that sense of holiday magic, that strange sense of wonder at the sparkling Christmas decorations against the backdrop of the season’s first snow fall. The feelings of hope and anticipation, warmth and joy, still struck me every year. I wanted to change how I celebrated Christmas, but was not willing to let it go altogether. So my husband and I struggled against the social expectations of what Christmas “should” look like and fought to celebrate it the way we wanted: Less presents, more reflection. We wanted to teach our kids what Christmas was really about. Not the secular version, not the popular Christian version, but our version.

The first thing we did was nix Santa. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, to three boys filled with wonder and excitement… Mark and I killed Santa Clause. Then, just when you’d think we couldn’t be more fun, we also downsized gift giving making the commercial aspect more about giving than getting. We also taught the historical version of the Christmas story (Jesus for starters was not likely born in December). Angel trees and volunteering at food pantries took the place of copious presents and holiday treats. We struggled and struggled against the social currents that told us, from two opposing perspectives, neither of which we fully agreed with, what Christmas was meant to be. It’s all about family! It’s all about the birth of the Lord and Savior! It’s about Santa and reindeer and presents! It’s about our salvation and the gift God gave us in Jesus! Talk about push me, pull you!

The Ghost of Christmas Present

Suddenly, in the midst of our attempts to personally define what Christmas really meant to us, along came Islam. Talk about a wrench! We were finally able to identify a world view that fit our personal world views which was really exciting! But… Muslim’s don’t celebrate Christmas. And so, in the midst of our struggle to define what Christmas meant to us, we made a bold decision: Christmas simply had to go. We gave away just about all our Christmas decorations, even the non-secular ones. Then we promoted Eid al-Fatr, the celebration following Ramadan, and made sure we got the kids the same quality of gifts they were used to getting for Christmas. We tried to be sensitive to the kids, even allowing one more “normal” Christmas before the big change, although it was hard on them no matter how we packaged it. Not only did we kill Santa, we killed the spirit of Christmas.

That feeling other Muslims get around the Eids (Arabic word for “festivity” or “celebration”), the same one many Americans get around Christmas, was not there for my kids at any Eid, nor was it truthfully there for me. We live in a culture after all that barely acknowledges Muslim holidays. The foundations of our family traditions were built around other holidays, primarily, yep, you guessed it, Christmas. While our first two years of Eids were fun, they were no replacement. Part of the wonder and awe of a holiday is how you are immersed in it, how the world inside your little bubble shifts and transforms magically with the spirit of the holiday. This happens for millions of Muslims all over the world during Eids, but not yet for my mini Muslims. No, for us, the magic is still relentlessly felt between November and December starting with Thanksgiving and the festivities and anticipation (and holiday movies!) leading up to Christmas and petering off after New Years.

Our transitions away from the more traditional American celebration of Christmas also put some awkward barriers up between us and our family and friends. Those closest to us struggled with figuring out what extent we were comfortable being included in their holiday traditions. Do we buy their kids presents? Many wondered. Do we invite them over for our holiday parties? Can grandma still buy her grandkids Christmas presents? It was a sudden shift in tradition that threw off our dynamics with literally our entire family, Christian or not. My mom reminded me of how holidays are what people make of them and Christmas for us was never about religion when she raised me. Hmmm. Food for thought…

And then there were cookies. A tradition going back not only through my childhood but through generations. Every year we invite family and friends over to our house for a cornucopia of cookie baking, just as my mom had done with us and her mom with her. Fattymands, sugar cookies, chocolate chip, and always a couple new recipes thrown in amongst the classics. Sure, I could bake the cookies at a different time of the year, but…wait! No I couldn’t! By definition a tradition is unchanging, steadfast over the years and across generations. How could I move cookie baking?!? So I didn’t. The one thing that has remained consistent for our family is our sugar infested bake-a-thon. It wasn’t about Jesus, peace and blessings be upon him. It wasn’t about Santa either. It was about us. Ok, and copious calories in cookie form.

Ghost of Christmas Future.

Regardless of your religious persuasion, you may not agree with my take on the jolly man with the red suit or the deeply religious tradition of the baby in a manger, and trust me, I understand. Not celebrating Christmas in a certain way may offend you. Participating in Christmas in any way, shape, or form may offend you. Stuck between two worlds, my family and I must forge our own traditions, so going forward, here is my take on the “holiday season” and my Muslim Christmas:

Traditions are not just about religion. They are about culture. Family. A glue that holds us all together across familial generations. Eids are a new tradition in our house, and are growing in their luster. We welcome our family and friends, regardless of their faith, into our homes to celebrate with us. We buy them gifts, which they gracefully accept. Who am I then to turn my back on their- nay, our traditions? How can I turn away gifts offered with the same love and respect to us for Christmas? We don’t have to put up a Christmas tree, we don’t have to celebrate the birth of one of our greatest and most beloved prophets.

What we can do is accept the love and kindness offered this time of year and return it in kind, now and during our own, newly established celebrations. We can allow the children to continue to learn about Christmas and Jesus, may Allah’s peace and blessings be ever upon him, as long as they understand the historical from the mythical. We can attend work parties and visit friends and family, just as we welcome them into our house for Eid Al-Fatr or Eid al-Adha.

Just as Friends and family wish us "Eid Mubarak," despite not being Muslim, so too can I wish people "happy holidays" or even, gasp, "merry Christmas." It’s not about embracing or agreeing with another’s beliefs or spiritual practices, it is about acknowledging the deeply rooted traditions of our family and our society and finding the middle ground.

And the cookie baking tradition. Well, I think it’s pretty clear it’s not going anywhere! As a matter of fact, for our family it is today.  As a second matter of fact, Grandma just walked in, so if you will excuse me, I have to get up to my elbows in sugar and all-purpose baking flour.

Whatever your beliefs, traditions, or religious preference:

 may Allah's peace, mercy, and blessings be upon you!

السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu!