Muslim in the Military

For the previous 15 years, I have dutifully served my nation and my local community as a member of the Air National Guard. I’ve always been proud of my calling, proud of my brothers and sisters in arms, proud of the heritage I inherited and, Insha Allah (God willing), will pass on to future generations. Recently, however, something has happened. Something that caused me to reevaluate just what it means to be a member of the Air National Guard. As most of you readers already know, I converted to Islam 2 years ago and have since been on a path of learning and self-discovery that has included some pretty drastic outward and, insha Allah (God willing), inward changes. To some people this has been difficult to accept. For others it was joyous news. To the vast majority, it held no significance other than the passing curiosity: Why Islam? As far as my military career goes, it has been a change of opportunity. Being a member of the Chaplain Corps, I feel this change has put me in a unique position and given me a unique perspective to more fully understand and cater to the needs of a diverse population.

Recently I began the next step in my journey of modesty and obedience. I requested a religious accommodation to be allowed to wear my headscarf in uniform. To some, especially from Muslim nations, that might not sound like much. Certainly it would not seem to be as significant as putting on the hijab (traditional head covering) in the first place. The fact of the matter is, it was a much bigger, much more difficult step. In fact, it took far more determination (and time) for me to simply get the process started than it did for me to start wearing the hijab with my normal attire in the first place.

Religious accommodations, in general, are few and far between. Accommodations requiring a change in uniform appearance are rarer still. Mine? Virtually unheard of in the military. One reason is that the majority of military members quite simply do not require such accommodation. Another is that many have not made a request or are unsure how to. Then there is the dark little secret… that changes in uniform are just not that simple to accommodate. We are after all a military force and uniformity is among our most important unifying factors. It is the visible reminder that we are all brothers and sisters, fighting for the same cause, representing the same body of people: Americans. We need to operate as a seamless, well-oiled machine, not as a hodge-podge of random parts, each doing what it wants rather than what the machine requires.

 

Naturally, when an accommodation is requested to alter your uniform in such a way that you appear different from your fellow Airmen (or soldiers or sailors for that matter), those in charge of making such decisions must hit the pause button and consider the issue from many different angles. How is it going to impact the member’s ability to do his/her job? How is it going to affect their safety? How will it impact unit morale and cohesion? Oh… That last one’s a doozie! If we allow someone to alter their uniform appearance, how will that affect the unit around them? How do we even measure that? And so, such accommodations remain few and far between. Over the years, a shift in the understanding of diversity has slowly allowed men from Jewish, Sikh, and Muslim faiths to wear religious headgear while in uniform. Still, a full hijab is arguably a bit more extreme than the skull caps or turbans of our male counterparts.

Ok, enough with the fun facts, let's get back to my story! As I said, I went and did something pretty unprecedented, not only for my base, but for the Air Guard, and perhaps even the wider Air Force.  I asked to add a scarf to my uniform to cover my hair and neck. Whaaaaaaaaa? Seriously? Yep. I did. I know. It was crazy. But the even crazier part is the reaction from my leadership. I did not know what would happen when the wing commander saw my package. Would he gawk? Would he laugh? Should I warn him in advance so he’s not blindsided? Would he say “no way are we going to be able to accommodate that” and deny my request? What he did absolutely blew me away! Without hesitation, indeed with eagerness to do the right thing- not just for a single member, but for the Guard as a whole- he approved my request!

In my office at our base chapel on my first day wearing
hijab in uniform.

Now, slow down there cowboy … Before you get to dancing and celebrating, I should clarify, he is only able to approve indoor wear for my installation and we are still working on the request to broaden the accommodation. You see, a commander’s authority on the matter is limited and my request needs to go through more channels before I can wear my hijab outdoors while in uniform. The significance of this first approval though, cannot be understated. To even have that approval is groundbreaking. So with that caveat you can commence with some celebratory cheers and a few high fives!

If I am just one woman, and it is just one accommodation, why is it such a big deal? I mean, to me personally, it is pretty clear why, but what about the bigger picture? My accommodation does not just affect me. I am just a small part of a larger effort made by many people, of many religions, to slowly and respectfully change the atmosphere of the armed forces to more fully embrace diversity. Accommodations are not designed to subtract from the cohesion of the larger military body, but rather to bring more inclusion into that body, thus broadening our pool of knowledge and experience.

Sure, I have heard the complaints that religious accommodations are unfair, subtract from uniformity, or somehow take something (that nebulous “something”) away from other members. Just imagine, when people know that signing on to be a member of the armed forces does NOT mean they have to sacrifice the beliefs they hold so dear, how many more will join or remain members? How many women, for example, who could not join because they are not willing to discard their modesty will perhaps soon look to the military as a viable option for serving their country and communities? How many more military members will encourage the brothers and sisters of their religious institutions to join a force that upholds their rights to freedom of religion?

Talking with the Wing Chaplain in our little worship room.

My leadership, specifically my Wing Commander (who deserves a little shout out!), recognized this potential and did not hesitate to be a part of something bigger than just our base. They saw my accommodation as an opportunity to do the right thing, not just for me, but to set the precedence for those who will come after me. They recognize something that some people are still struggling to understand: that religious accommodation is not a force divider, it is a force multiplier! So I re-evaluated my pride in belonging to a prestigious military organization. I belong to so much more than that. I belong to a family… and I could not be more proud!

Until next time…السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and his blessings!

As a Muslim, what are your intentions?

  

  I’ve been doing some self-reflecting lately- thinking about intentions and perceptions. The intentions being mine and the perceptions being others'. When I chose to do something for Allah swt, such as dressing more modestly, excusing myself to go pray, declining pork or other foods that are not allowed, what is my true reason for doing it? Am I living for Allah subHaanahu wa ta`aalaa (glorified is He and exalted),  making my choices based on His will for me and not my own agenda? Or am I on a war path toward social justice determined to educate the world about Muslims and punch the concept of Islamophobia in it’s big, ugly schnoz?

    I recently had someone question my intentions in regards to how I dress. Is it a way to show people who Muslims are, as though to say, “Look, I am a Muslim woman?” Is it to make a stronger statement to people who fear Muslims? “Muslims aren’t all terrorists! Accept us!” Or am I truly just following the commands of Allah swt. I will admit, I was both appalled and insulted at the insinuations that I might have ulterior motives. I’m pretty stinkin’ sure I came off as more than a little defensive as I felt forced to defend my position on my hijab. I left the conversation quite emotionally charged. Scratch that…  I was angry and offended. I don’t mind people disagreeing with me, and I like a good, decent debate now and again, but I struggle with people challenging my character. I haven’t yet learned the humility and self-confidence required to handle with grace the moment when someone stabs at your motivations or intentions.

Chalk it up to years of insinuations coming from the other end of the spectrum. Being called names like “goodie-two-shoes,” “geek,” and “nerd”, eventually built within me a kind of confidence that if that is the worst they have, I must not be too bad. I have found in small doses over the years and in glaring examples such as this one since adhering to Islam that I do not have the emotional conditioning to be okay with someone thinking my intentions may be bad. Allah swt answers the prayer “help me be more patient” by putting someone in your life who tests your patience at every possible moment. So too He answers the prayer “help me keep my intentions pure and fixed on you” by sending someone who causes you to do some serious self-reflecting.

   

    Upon said reflection, I realized two things. First, it doesn’t matter whether I want people to see that I am a Muslim or whether I want to educate people about the teachings of Islam. Those are both noble causes in and of themselves.  Second, I do want people to know I am a Muslim woman. I do want people to know that Islam and terrorism are not synonymous. I do want Allah swt to use me to make a difference in this world, if even only in the heart of one person. So rather than being insulted, really, I should have embraced it. Being called a social activist is akin to being called a goodie-two-shoes. It is a reflection of how your actions are perceived by others but  it is a badge of honor, not an offense against my character.

   

My experience since coming to Islam has been so blessed that I have hesitated to discuss the negative aspects of my experience. The last thing I want is to paint myself as a victim when in all reality, what I have experienced can be summed up as nothing more than, well, life. It happens. People like you and people don’t. A situation is easy, or it's difficult. People accept you for who you are, or they struggle to accept you, or in some cases, they refuse to. You don’t have to carry a label to experience a little challenge in your life now and again. I see such challenges as blessings from Allah swt that help teach us strength, fortitude, and above all else, humility. Each moment is an opportunity for me to learn about others, learn about myself, and become a better Muslim.  

Now about those perceptions….. As my faith takes on physical manifestations such as those discussed above, how am I impacting those around me? Tune in next time! In the meantime ...

As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu! (may peace be upon you and the mercy of God and His blessings!)

A Christian, a Mormon, and a Muslim....

A Christian, a Mormon, and a Muslim sit down together at a coffee shop…

     Sorry to disappoint but it is not a joke- no punchline coming. It’s my reality every time I go out with two of my closest friends. When we look at one another we don’t see the labels we chose to associate with ourselves, nor do we see the stereotypes put upon each of us by the society we live in. True, my headscarf presents a bit more of a visual statement of faith, but scarf or no, both ladies know me for who I am, differences in my belief of the unseen and all. As we sit and chat, or watch our kids find inventive ways to use playground equipment, we are bonded together by a glue made up not only of shared experiences that overlook spirituality, but also a shared love of God, despite our differences in how we define our relationship with Him. We each hold to the same strict laws of moral conduct, kindness, love, and compassion taught in each of our religions and that is part of what I think draws us to each other.

     Earlier this week I was working on my next blog entry and had it almost done… but inspiration comes as it wills and there were a couple of thoughts that, well, inspired me. As I said in one of my early blogs, my journey to Islam took me from an atheist upbringing and through Christianity to eventually find myself happily nested in Islam. I don’t claim to be an expert in either or any religion, but I can tell you that we all have a lot more in common than we think. I mean, you know, besides the whole eating-drinking-sleeping-breathing-relieving thing.

     As you may know, I work at a chapel. We are blessed to have a team of Mormon missionaries and a very kind Elder who volunteer their precious time to come minister to the needs of our Airmen. Even when most of our members are deployed and only a couple are able to attend, they are there, with warm smiles and engaging conversation. Attending their scripture study is something I look forward to each month as it is a chance for me to fellowship with wonderful people and discuss a topic we all feel very passionately about. Not only is my knowledge and perspective enriched while learning about another’s faith, I also feel completely at ease and comfortable conversing with them and the other attendees, often interjecting my own experiences and beliefs. I treasure opportunities like that, as they are quite rare. To be honest, and at the risk of offending someone, I must say, disappointingly rare. Yet still, it has taught me something priceless.

     As I sit with my Mormon brothers and sisters and discuss topics like salvation, mercy, forgiveness, God’s will for us, our purpose in this world, and so on, I begin to notice a trend. The differences in our beliefs are far, far out-weighted by what we have in common. Both faiths stem from a blessed line of prophets stretching all the way back to Prophet Abraham, peace and blessings be upon him. But the similarities are not only between Islam and Mormonism.

     Recently,  I had lunch with a very lovely sociologist whom I had the pleasure of meeting through a mutual friend. We spoke optimistically about many things, not the least of which was our experiences with religion. She, for example, had recently gone to the mall with our friend while dressed in full Islamic attire, including a face cover called ‘niqab.’ She shared the experience with me and I shared how I came to Islam. While our mutual friend was discussing some of the finer details of the Muslim faith, she said something that struck me. She excitedly chimed in to say that she must be a “Catholic Muslim.” No, she did not mean she was converting belief systems, nor was it a proclamation that she felt Islam was better that Catholicism. Rather, her exclamation that we can label ourselves many different ways depending on how we identify with the label. Finding so much in common with her own belief, her comment was meant to strengthen the bond we hold with each other as sisters through acknowledgement of like understandings. As I can say there are parts of me that identify with aspects of Christianity, Buddhism, and perhaps many, many other religions, I believe she was saying that a part of her identifies with the beliefs shared in common between Islam and Catholicism.

     I share these experiences with you to illustrate how easy it can be to find common ground in a world that is torn between celebrating our differences and hating each other because of said differences. What ever happened to simply acknowledging our differences but looking instead at how much we truly have in common? I am a Muslim. I share with my Christian and Jewish brethren belief in the One True God. I share in common with the Buddhist, belief in the path to self-improvement, with Hindus, the belief in a long, rich history of interaction between Allah and man. I share with the atheist a strong sense of virtue and the honor and integrity of mankind, whether we agree there is a God out there somewhere or not. I share with every single person in the world the desire to be happy, healthy, and safe- to be at peace.

     When I first came to Islam I was expecting a pretty negative backlash from family and friends. Truthfully, I did experience it from a few isolated individuals; however, I was overwhelmingly blessed to have my expectations wildly unmet. I was instead approached with questions, curiosity, and warnings to be careful of “Islamophobes” in a manner that was loving and supportive, even if the individual did not entirely understand my choice. People wanted to know how I came to the decision I did, what I thought about certain things (largely misconceptions), and how I feel about the changes I have made. What I have experienced the most though, is sisterhood. I have grown closer to people I have known for years, learned to be patient and understanding with those who have pulled away, and have discovered sisters from all over the world I never knew I had.

“O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the best in conduct. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.”

Qur’an 49:13

Until next time…السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and his blessings!

Salvation

Salvation. It is on the hearts and minds of billions of people around the world. Much of a person’s belief revolves around where they are going after death and how much impact they, themselves, have on the matter. For atheists it sounds simple: you live, you die, the end. But for the billions and billions of us who believe in one or more deities, the matter is not so simple. To us, how we spend our time in this life has real and lasting (eternal as a matter of fact) implications in the next. So it will come as no surprise to most of you that the matter of “salvation” was one of the single most important issues that drew me to look into Islam. It was part of the litmus test, so to speak, to know how Muslims define a person’s spiritual connection with Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa. At the time, I was just listening to a Muslim talk- a person, at the time, I hardly knew. I did not think I was seeking, didn’t realize I was comparing and contrasting, as I sat and listened.

My walk through Christianity taught me something about human nature…that we are all flawed, corrupted individuals who are not deserving of God’s mercy. Our sin is so great, so ugly, that God Himself cannot look upon it. As a result, we are beyond salvation. We are in need of a savior. Someone who can take all that wretched, disgusting, vile sin and remove it from us so that we may be presentable before God. This is one of the first things I learned. It is also one of the things I struggled with the most. I didn’t feel wretched, disgusting, or vile. I felt imperfect to be sure, in need of a good dose of self improvement and certainly an ongoing prescription of humility, but never so dirty and evil as to be beyond the reach of God’s mercy. I would often ask myself, if God created us the way that he did, imperfections and all, why are our sins so vastly beyond his ability to reconcile? To me, that was not just an insult to the creatures God made us, it was an insult to God Himself. Sin, bigger than God? There’s just no way!

But how then do we take into account man’s propensity for everything from simple bad decisions to the absolute most evil acts imaginable? How does God see our actions? How does He justify or punish them? Are we held accountable at the end of the day or, as atheists might say, is our only salvation in how much good we leave behind when we go? Its an important question to ponder, not just because it determines whether we go to the Land of Milk and Honey or the Land of Fire and Brimstone. It is also important because our belief in salvation will ultimately determine how we approach our time in this life and how we touch the lives of other people.

And so it was that one of my first questions was about the topic of “salvation.” It was explained to me beautifully that Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa asks two things of us, believe in him and strive for good (Qur’an 2:62, 5:69 and elsewhere). He does not need those two things to admit us into His grace, but with those two things, He assures it. Salvation is not earned by our deeds, but rather is dependent on Allah’s grace and mercy.

I know, I know, if only it were that simple. Once you get into the weeds of it, there is, of course, more to it. After all, Allah’s grace is freely given to all who ask for it, but what about Allah’s justice? Additionally, man’s intentions start in the heart where they may be good or bad, sinful or pure, but they are manifest in his actions. So at what point are our actions and intentions weighed in? Where does sin come into all this?

There are so many different explanations of sin and how it impacts our lives, but in each explanation that I have heard, it seems to come down to a sort of sliding scale: the more sin, the further from God, good, enlightenment, etc.; the less sin, the closer to God, good, enlightenment, etc. My oversimplified way of looking at it is that sins are those actions which are bad for us and good deeds are those actions that are good for us.

Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa has given us this life to make choices, so I have for you some rhetorical questions. How can we choose “good” without the ability to choose “bad”? What then is the consequence when we choose “bad”? And how valid would that option be if it were always easy to choose the right path? Thus, we have sin. We have a dichotomy within each of us that is striving for self-perfection while simultaneously attempting to plunge us into self-destruction.

His promise to us was to give us the choice, but it is not the choice to live a perfect sinless life or be damned forever to the depths of Hell. Nor is it so unattainable that we require the ultimate sacrifice of another on our behalf to satiate His bloodlust (God forgive me). The choice is simple, pure, and beautiful. We will sin, we will make mistakes, we will turn away from Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa time and time again. He designed us that way after all. The most important choice is what we decide to do when we fall. Do we turn to Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa for help? Guidance? Repentance? Or do we continue in our sin, down our path of destruction?

Now here is where you may be wondering how we know which choice we are making. In American law, ignorance of the law is not an excuse for breaking it; you can’t simply talk your way out of that speeding ticket by saying you didn’t realize the speed limit was 15 MPH slower than the speed you were driving. It wouldn’t be just or fair, however, to punish someone for all of eternity for a crime they didn’t know they were committing. Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa loves us enough that He does not leave us guessing at His will. His guidance is everywhere, all around us. Even an atheist has a sense of moral right and wrong. Where does that sense of morality arise, if not from Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa? He does not punish one who does not know the weight of the consequences of his actions. In that there is hope, however bleak it may at first appear, that Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa will not punish a single soul unjustly, and He will not make it difficult for a single soul to obtain grace and mercy.

Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa knows we will sometimes choose good, sometimes choose bad, and so He says:

“Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful. And return [in repentance] to your Lord and submit to Him before the punishment comes upon you; then you will not be helped." Qur’an 39:53

When we sin, Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa asks as little of us as sincere repentance. Easy peasy lemon squeezy! Knowing the choice is mine but that Allah is just and perfect in his judgement allows me to rest easy knowing that as I strive one step toward Him, He takes two toward me. When Allah says He is “Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful” throughout the Qur’an, I believe it. For me, it is not the promise of Heaven nor the threat of Hell that inspires me to strive toward all that is good. Rather it is knowing that my actions are pleasing to Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa and that when I do mess up, He is already there, waiting to forgive me. That alone is enough for me.  

Salvation is a complicated subject. I speak only from my  own perspective and my current understanding. If I misspoke, it is due to my own faults and lack of knowledge. All truths I have stumbled across are from Allah subHanaahu wa ta’alaa.

Until next time…السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and his blessings!

Islam and.... feminism?

 

 

Islam and... Feminism?

  In my last blog, I brought up women’s rights and discussed a little about my experience with and opinion of hijab. Since then I participated in a Ladies’ Night at my local masjid. As you may recall from my last entry, our topic for the evening was women’s rights in Islam. Not to go all feminist on everyone all of a sudden, but I thought I would stick to the topic for at least one more blog. Afterall, it deeply and personally pertains to me and it is one of the hottest topics in regards to public perception of Islam. In fact, within a comment thread on a public figure’s Facebook page, a viewer the other day posted the following (and I quote):

“Not only is the Quran contradictory, but it sanctions violence, slavery and sexism as well.

Surah An-Nisa - 4:34 - Men are in charge of women based on some vague thing that Allah supposedly said, women- sorry, RIGHTEOUS women are supposed to be "devoutly" obedient. If a wife does not listen to her husband or who men FEAR to be arrogant to them, they have to be "advised" first, if that doesn't work, don't (sleep with*) them; if that doesn't work, then beat them. Until they, you know, Obey men.

Other issues in the quran:

- men get more than women in terms of property upon death of parents, etc. in the case of faraid law (which is based on the Quran)
 

- men can marry christians, but women can only marry muslims

- you can't take unbelievers for friends and protectors (discrimination based on faith)

- men can marry up to 4 wives - if he can afford to = yet there is no provision for women to do the same”

   Them’s some pretty serious accusations, and yes, it took all my effort not to go all scholastic on the author of the post. To prepare for our evening, myself and several others put hours into researching these and other similar misconceptions. It isn’t because my sisters and I feel the points made above have any sort of validity.  On the contrary it is because they do not, yet are made over and over ad nauseam, leaving Muslimat (female Muslims’) heads spinning. Is the challenger right or wrong? How do we talk to people when they challenge us with these questions? How do we empathize with those women who do experience oppression without validating that what was experienced came from Islam?

During our evening, we spoke of the history of women in Islam, their lives prior to and after Islam was revealed, and what the Qur’an and hadith have to say about women. For me, the experience enlightened me to the varied levels of Islamic education within our ummah (community). Many of the women there were experts in their own rights on the topic so it was powerful to have this time to come together and share our knowledge. What shocked me was the number of women, regardless of their faith, who did not know about the verses and hadith discussed. We did not receive many questions at the end of the night, but those we got illustrated that Muslim women are not all certain of their rights, nor are we all prepared to answer confrontational challenges such as the one above. It showed me how critical such educational opportunities are.

      Let me take just a moment here to tell you a little something more about me: I am stubborn, independent, and have a fierce sense of justice. In other words, there’s no way on God’s green earth (or in His entire miraculous universe for that matter) I would choose to follow a religion that tells me a man is better than me because I was born a woman, takes away my rights, or allows oppression or abuse. I am not qualified to get into in depth exegesis of the Qur’an, but I can tell you, from my perspective, women actually get the one up on men in the Islamic rights department.

   What do I mean by this? In covering just a few of the points we discussed at our lil' get together, I hope to offer a perspective on women in Islam that is not very widely understood. Not the perspective that women are equal to men. Indeed there are areas in life in which the woman gets the one up on the men and visa versa. So we are not equal, as in the same. But we are equally loved by Allah subHana wa ta'alaa and he bestowes upon us equitable (but different) rights and responsibilities.

   Financially, we women get a deal in Islam unheard of in other religions and even in post-feminist America. Surah An-Nisa, verse 34 states “Men are protectors and maintainers (Caretakers) of women, because Allah has made one of them excel the other,and because they spend from their means.”  Men are expected to protect and provide for women. But what if I want to work? After all, women in previous decades fought so hard to have the right to work alongside men. What did Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, teach? Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, was a successful merchant and the first wife of prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. He never dissuaded her from working and in fact worked for her prior to their marriage and submitted to her wisdom and guidance throughout her life, may Allah be pleased with her. She is just one example, but when it comes to women working, Islam leaves that up to the individuals. When it comes to her wanting to stay home and have her husband support her, the ball is in her court!

Just when you thought, hey that's not so bad... there's more: the money I make belongs to me. I decide if I spend it for the support of the household, save it, or spend it.

Further, if I inherit any money, that’s mine too. So, under Islamic law, what’s his is mine, what’s mine is mine, and I have a right to inherit. Sounding pretty good, eh? The author I quoted above, however, makes a fantastic point. Women inherit less than men. I pray that by now, the reason why is pretty clear. A woman keeps her inheritance. A man is expected to use that inheritance to help with the support and maintenance of his wife, children, and the community. Is this equality? Indeed it is not, but, ladies, think about that.. who is getting the better end of the deal? But rights are so much more than financial, and there are far more important topics than whether a woman can work or how she can use her money.

  

   Men, for example, can marry up to four wives. Of course he has to treat them and provide for them equally or only marry one. But let's pretend he can handle four of us or even just two. I could casually mention here that the “allowance” of up to four women is actually a restriction (as in, ya’ll can’t marry any more than that). That’s true, but not really the point I want to make. A woman has the right to agree to marriage for it to be binding in Islamic law, so she can choose to be one of multiple wives, but she cannot be forced into it. Now I present a perspective for you to consider: a man can only choose from women who are unmarried. All the single ladies… you get to chose from any man who is not related to you and who has less than four wives. In other words, in an Islamic community, you would have far more options. The power is in your hands, ladies, not his. Oh, and by the way, you get to see how he treats women by how he cares for and respects his other wife/wives!

   So women under Islamic law have a broader pool to pick from and we get to keep our dough, but what about this whole beating thing? First, a point to consider: a man who has a propensity toward violence might use religion as an excuse, but doesn’t need a reason to hurt another person; religion is not the catalyst in domestic abuse. A man who is humble and kind, will not beat his wife, nor hurt anyone for that matter, even given express permission. Start holding the jerks responsible and stop letting them have a free pass under the guise of religious doctrine. Nevertheless, Allah subHana wa taa’alaa instructs men to care for women, not beat them. I feel I am about to start an apologetic tangent, so brace yourselves…

  

   The common translation of the verse in question says: “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.” (Qur’an, 4:34)

   The word “iḍribūhunna” is translated in this passage as “strike;” however, it has many meanings including the following: “to hit, to travel the earth, to set up, to condemn, to give examples, to separate, and to go to bed with them.” As you can see, translating it as strike or beat assumes a level of violence against a woman that is simply not supported by the rest of the Qur’an and is therefore not an accurate translation. Verse 19 of the same surah is translated as “O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion (against their will). And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” If you cannot even take back their dowry unless they have committed a clear immorality (i.e. adultery), certainly you cannot beat them for becoming arrogant.

   One more verse catches my attention in regards to men and women although there are many, many more like it. “The believing men and believing women are protecting friends of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.” (Quran 9:71)

   I could write a novel just on the relationship between men and women in Islam, but I think you catch my drift. But don’t worry, I won’t leave you with too many questions. There are many beautiful responses to such accusations and I do not feel qualified, nor do I feel it is necessary to try to get into Islamic fiqh (jurisprudence). If you are looking for a little more meat on the matter, I recommend checking out this video by Yusuf Estes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lgptvKE9rw or this one from Hamza Yusuf: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDIAN4I0wBA. Either is far more qualified in the matter than me.  

    I'll leave you with this verse from the Qur'an:

“Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.” (Quran 33:35)

Until next time…السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and his blessings!

(*editor’s note: I changed one word to “sleep with” in place of profanity)

Why I wear hijab

    

     As-salaamu alaykum! As I considered what I wanted to talk about this week, women’s rights just kept coming to mind. As I am working with some of my fellow sisters on a Ladies’ Night discussing women's rights, it is really no wonder it is on the forefront of my attention. There are many, many rights for women in Islam, and I am looking forward to many more mental meanderings on the very subject in upcoming blogs. This blog post will expand on an earlier Facebook post I authored on this very subject.

  As a woman, who has the right to freedom of religion (constitutionally but more importantly from Allah subHaanahu wa ta`alaa), it is particularly important to me to understand what my own faith has to say about what my rights are and how I as a woman, should be treated. I have never been more impressed with the rights afforded to women than those guaranteed by Islam. I know, I know… some of you are screaming at your computers right now, “what about the Taliban’s treatment of women?” or “Look at this nation, or that one, and how they treat women!” No argument from me that there are examples of female oppression and that they need to be addressed. When I say rights guaranteed by Islam, however, I am referring to what is stated in the Qur’an and Hadith, not how some people interpret or practice Islam.

     This time around I would like to talk specifically about my experiences with the hijab (an arabic word meaning “barrier” or “partition”). It is undeniably one of today's hot topics after all and is touted as one of the most significant visual examples of female oppression. While "hijab" is often used in reference to the female headscarf, it actually refers to the overall modest dress of a Muslim, male or female (that's right gentlemen, in Islam, you must be modest as well). When I began exploring the Islamic dress code, I, like many, focused first on the headscarf. Quickly, however, I found myself taking a second look at my entire wardrobe. I began to examine what I wear, and why.

     In Islam, a man is expected to respect a woman and not look at her or lust after her (unless they are married). She has a right to her privacy and to not be treated as an object. Allah encourages a woman to cover herself, because, let’s face it guys, some of you can’t help yourselves. When a man looks at a woman (who is not his wife) with lust, it is considered a sin, not only in Islam, but Christianity as well. In essence, when we cover ourselves, we do so not only to respect ourselves, but also as a mercy to men- to not deliberately draw a man into sin. If he does so regardless of our efforts, the sin belongs to him. Hey, brother, at least we tried.  

     I also learned, and found very fascinating, that hijab is not just a means of being modest when out and about. it is also a statement of our faith. The Qur’an says “O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not harassed. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful” (Quran 33:59). This simply increased my love of hijab and made my wearing it an even greater honor.

     Just as someone may sport a jersey from their favorite team to declare their fealty to that team, hijab is an outward statement that says I am a woman of faith- that I am a Muslim. While that sentiment certainly exists in the hearts and minds of many women who do not wear hijab, the hijab acts as a clear outward indication of the inward commitment. This is true of men and women. Men are not as easily recognized as Muslim because their dress code is such that western clothing often suffices; however, when a man is identified by his clothing as being Muslim, that bears the same significance. He, like his female counterpart, is sending a message to the world that he dresses to please Allah subHanahu wa ta'alaa.

     The question still remains: am I oppressed by choosing to cover my body when in public or in the company of males to whom I am not related? I ardently argue that I am not.  I have never felt more confident in my life than I do now, since I began dressing in accordance with Islam. Despite what the media and fear mongers say about how I dress, I do not feel oppressed. I feel set free. I don’t know about you but I would much rather have someone’s first impression of me be “Wow! That woman is really religious,” or even an awkward glance and acknowledgment that I am Muslim before looking away than some running internal dialog about my body type, dress size, or whether or not I work out.

     Think of it this way: people display things they want to show off for many reasons. Maybe it is a big house, or a sports car, or a work of art…  But the things that are most precious to them, the things they believe to be most valuable above all their other possessions, they lock in a safe or hide in a shoe box in the back of their closet: Grandma’s pearl necklace, Grandpa's pocket watch, family photos... You get my drift. They are those things that cannot be assigned monetary value because to the individual, they are irreplaceable. My body falls into that category.  It is a gift to me from Allah subHanahu wa ta'alaa and is so precious it is, quite frankly, not available for public viewing.

As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu! (may peace be upon you and the mercy of God and His blessings!)

Unity

As-salaamu alaykum (peace be upon you), dear brothers and sisters! We live in a time of fear, ignorance, and violence; at least that is what I am told. "If you are not a Muslim, you should be afraid of the Muslim walking down the street...s/he might be a terrorist! If you are a Muslim, you should be afraid of extremists all around you...Muslim or otherwise!" This is a time when Satan is working hard to divide us; convincing each side that he is allied with the "opposition." How easy it is to give up hope and then join more and more people on the road to intolerance and hate.

Last weekend I had the great honor and privilege of attending a potluck at one of the Episcopal churches in our town. It was designed to be an evening of fellowship and communion (in the general sense of the word, not of the “holy” variety). My family was selected to be among a delegation of Muslims to come and represent our faith. It was not only a social interaction, it was one with a purpose.  We would be sitting at a table with Christian families and answering questions about Islam. I already knew what the questions would be; I’ve had to face them before...so I was ready. I was excited.

I arrived that night mentally armed with how I would answer questions such as “how do you feel about ISIS,” “why is there so much violence in the Qur’an if Islam is a peaceful religion,” and “why are women so oppressed?” Mind you, I am not the expert, and I am weary about representing my faith as any sort of authority on the subject. We, along with the other families chosen, were there to represent the rich diversity in the Muslim community. There were faces from Egypt, Morocco, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Palestine etc., and - of course - the United States (that's us!). In other words, we were not there to be experts; we were there to be people - people from a global community who may have very little in common but are bound by a brotherhood and sisterhood that transcends blood and culture.

Arriving at the event.

What I experienced was not at all what I expected. As I said, I came ready to answer a slew of questions. I expected to be challenged with a buffet of arguments...seasoned with a dash of anger or, at the very least, a pinch of apprehensiveness. When I walked in, I was greeted by a pair of middle-aged women with smiles, warm greetings, and name stickers. Just as a woman in a headscarf (called khimaar in the Qur'an) might be seen as the stereotypical Muslim, these two were the stereotypical Christian: shoulder-length hair (styled and sprayed in a way that looks altogether casual and formal), big earrings, modest sweaters and a warm welcoming demeanor that you wish all your neighbors and in-laws had. They commented on the cuteness of our young children and how well they wrote their own names.

We then passed into the large auditorium, which was set up like a formal banquet hall: round tables with white or blue tablecloths and square centerpieces of the opposite color and a long row of tables overstuffed with dishes from 67 Christians and 34 Muslims (if I have my numbers correct). In other words, a cornucopia of culinary masterpieces.

What impressed me, however, was not the decorations, or the food, or the size of the room. It was the people. I was greeted as we put our dish in one of the few dwindling spots on the impressive buffet table by a mother very similar in age and demeanor to myself. She had her two daughters in tow who were similar in age to the children I brought. We took instantly to each other and spent our meal chatting.

So I have painted a picture of your typical potluck dinner, whether at a mosque, church, or local community center. But there was something about this evening that was unique, special. You see, I did not get the smorgasbord of insinuating questions or challenging statements, may Allah, subHaanahu wa ta`aalaa (glorified is He and exalted), humble me for my assumptions. All the data I was armed with sat in my arsenal, gathering dust. As we sat and shared a meal together, we talked about our kids, our families, the pros and cons of the public school system, and yes, we did talk about Islam. Our family and another from our masjid (aka mosque) sat with two families from the church, both of whom were amazed to learn how similar Christianity and Islam actually are. Neither knew that our faith stems from the same father as theirs- Abraham, and that we teach our kids about the great prophets such as Adam, Moses, Noah, and even Jesus, may Allah’s blessings be upon them all.

   

As I moved around the room, getting pictures of the folks at all the tables to share amongst both groups, I had many pleasant, heartwarming conversations, gave hugs, or shook hands. Masha Allaah (it is as God wills), the evening represented exactly what Islam and Christianity are supposed to be to each other- sibling faiths, each originating from our One True Creator. Allaah, subHaanahu wa ta`alaa (glorified is He and exalted), teaches us in the Qur'an to do good to our neighbors, whether they are related to us or not. Prophet Muhammad is recorded to have said that we don't really have faith until we love for our neighbor what we love for ourselves. Jesus, the Messiah, is recorded in the New Testament as saying, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Peace and blessings be upon them both. They didn't teach us to only love our Christian neighbors (if you are a Christian); they didn't teach us to only love our Muslim neighbors (if you are a Muslim)...they taught us simply to love...and that is what I experienced that night, in that room, permeating our hearts. It reminded me of something very important:

"In a world with so much fear, anger, ignorance and hate; there is still hope, love, understanding and compassion. There is still a unifying force among us...the brothers and sisters in humanity...the children of Adam and Eve!"

Christian and Muslim families visit together after enjoying plates loaded

with mama's home cooking... from all over the world!


As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu! (may peace be upon you and the mercy of God and His blessings!)