I’ve been doing some self-reflecting lately- thinking about intentions and perceptions. The intentions being mine and the perceptions being others'. When I chose to do something for Allah swt, such as dressing more modestly, excusing myself to go pray, declining pork or other foods that are not allowed, what is my true reason for doing it? Am I living for Allah subHaanahu wa ta`aalaa (glorified is He and exalted), making my choices based on His will for me and not my own agenda? Or am I on a war path toward social justice determined to educate the world about Muslims and punch the concept of Islamophobia in it’s big, ugly schnoz?
I recently had someone question my intentions in regards to how I dress. Is it a way to show people who Muslims are, as though to say, “Look, I am a Muslim woman?” Is it to make a stronger statement to people who fear Muslims? “Muslims aren’t all terrorists! Accept us!” Or am I truly just following the commands of Allah swt. I will admit, I was both appalled and insulted at the insinuations that I might have ulterior motives. I’m pretty stinkin’ sure I came off as more than a little defensive as I felt forced to defend my position on my hijab. I left the conversation quite emotionally charged. Scratch that… I was angry and offended. I don’t mind people disagreeing with me, and I like a good, decent debate now and again, but I struggle with people challenging my character. I haven’t yet learned the humility and self-confidence required to handle with grace the moment when someone stabs at your motivations or intentions.
Chalk it up to years of insinuations coming from the other end of the spectrum. Being called names like “goodie-two-shoes,” “geek,” and “nerd”, eventually built within me a kind of confidence that if that is the worst they have, I must not be too bad. I have found in small doses over the years and in glaring examples such as this one since adhering to Islam that I do not have the emotional conditioning to be okay with someone thinking my intentions may be bad. Allah swt answers the prayer “help me be more patient” by putting someone in your life who tests your patience at every possible moment. So too He answers the prayer “help me keep my intentions pure and fixed on you” by sending someone who causes you to do some serious self-reflecting.
Upon said reflection, I realized two things. First, it doesn’t matter whether I want people to see that I am a Muslim or whether I want to educate people about the teachings of Islam. Those are both noble causes in and of themselves. Second, I do want people to know I am a Muslim woman. I do want people to know that Islam and terrorism are not synonymous. I do want Allah swt to use me to make a difference in this world, if even only in the heart of one person. So rather than being insulted, really, I should have embraced it. Being called a social activist is akin to being called a goodie-two-shoes. It is a reflection of how your actions are perceived by others but it is a badge of honor, not an offense against my character.
My experience since coming to Islam has been so blessed that I have hesitated to discuss the negative aspects of my experience. The last thing I want is to paint myself as a victim when in all reality, what I have experienced can be summed up as nothing more than, well, life. It happens. People like you and people don’t. A situation is easy, or it's difficult. People accept you for who you are, or they struggle to accept you, or in some cases, they refuse to. You don’t have to carry a label to experience a little challenge in your life now and again. I see such challenges as blessings from Allah swt that help teach us strength, fortitude, and above all else, humility. Each moment is an opportunity for me to learn about others, learn about myself, and become a better Muslim.
Now about those perceptions….. As my faith takes on physical manifestations such as those discussed above, how am I impacting those around me? Tune in next time! In the meantime ...
As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu! (may peace be upon you and the mercy of God and His blessings!)
